my_father_beckoning

there’s this guy in a wheelchair on the street, panhandling. there’s a couple quarters in the jar. there’s a sign around his neck that says, “i was in an accident and now i am homeless. please donate. God bless!” i walk past him. 10 steps. i go back. i only have five on me. i hold his hand and ask how i can pray for him. he starts talking. his name is jorge and his wife left him after the accident. “sometimes i feel that life is meaningless”. he’s crying. “i’m sorry”. i’m sorry that i don’t know what it’s like to lose everything. i’m sorry i can’t stay longer. i’m sorry i can’t give you basic necessities of survival. i’m sorry i can’t explain how God is taking care of you at this moment in time. i think those are some things i’m sorry for when i talk to you, jorge. we pray. i hug him. why can’t i stay longer? i get up. dad’s looking at me. i feel sorry again, but towards my family now. mom tells me to wash my hands. the rest of the day, we act like nothing happened. we tell jokes, we watch some little kids perform at the food court, and we look at shoes. at times, i feel sorry that i talked to jorge. when we eat, i’m so happy that i finally get to eat good food that i forget about jorge completely. 

How do I love you? 

I am your co-worker, friend, sister, daughter, classmate, neighbor. How can I love you? How do I best show love to you if I’m just the intern who gets the phone and does your 3D models? Or if I pass you by on the street? Or if I live with you? 

I can finish my work to the best of my ability (which isn’t very good), wash the dishes, choose to say “May I ask who’s calling” instead of “Who’s calling?”—the things I can do for you are very little. But maybe these things count too. Maybe these things do make a difference. As long as I fix my eyes on how bored I am or how tired I am or how frustrated I feel, I will diminish the value of what I do in my own eyes. If I don’t believe that Sketchup or spending time with family or replying to an email is worth doing, then I’ll do it poorly and begrudgingly. But willingness does matter, doesn’t it? I could still fail at everything—in fact, I most certainly will fall short—but maybe the first step to loving is just caring about…things in general. Chores. Work. Attitude. Etiquette. Caring about responsibilities. If I don’t care about responsibilities, how do I care about people? 

I want to be aware of simple things. I remember simple acts of kindness from forever ago that still stick with me. A small note can go a long way. “I appreciate you”. “Thank you”. People remember. They probably won’t notice if I don’t do these things, but maybe this is a way that I could show love to you. There are times when I don’t need to do anything but listen, but a lot of times I’m unwilling to do even that. 

I don’t need to do anything. I just need to wake up, go to work, come home, and sleep. But what could I do to do it like I’m serving everyone I encounter throughout my day? (Mt. 25:31-46)

Every single action/event throughout the day—who will I be loving through each of these? ex) I will not leave early from work because this is how I will love my boss and co-workers. I will not complain about work because that is how I will love the people around me who usually have to hear me whine (sorry Mom, Dad, Tim HAHA) 

I am a child of light.  Maybe I should live like one.